ARTICLE OF THE MONTH

APRIL 2006:

EMBRACING CHANGE

Change

Mahmud Kianush

Having said goodbye to an old friend,
Whose new face
Set fire to my memories,
And walking through the corridors of late autumn
I lost the warm, green summer of my veins
To the dark, naked branches of trees,
And felt cold and barren in my head.

A strange fear prevented me
From looking into my mind
To see if my heart had not turned
Into a black hole
Taking in all the fallen leaves of Time.

How hopelessly the falsehood
In the smile of an old friend
Can darken the face of the world!
For me walking through the corridors of autumn
Had always been as blissful
As the festival of songs and colors
In springtime.

Yes, the signs of spring are with us already. Here on the east coast, the sun is shining (somewhat) making the easterlies (somewhat) more bearable. Croci and tulips dare to poke up through the soil, their yearning leaves eager to seek the sun’s rays; photosynthesis and not hibernation is the overriding imperative. The trees are budding; and bunnies are bouncing. As you step out into this brave new world, listen for the delightful sounds of spring—April showers, birds chirping, streams trickling—and wonder “What does it take for each of these elements of nature to embrace the change from winter to spring with such grace, such aplomb?” A grace and aplomb equal and equivalent to the grace and aplomb that was exhibited during the less palatable change from summer to fall, not to mention that from fall to winter, or so it may seem (less palatable) from your perspective.

How delightful it would be if you could embrace the seemingly impossible to accept challenges in your life wrought by the changing seasons of your life—old age, illness, bereavement, lost or unrequited love, your loving toddler morphing into the unloving pubescent mammal commonly referred to as teenager. What if you could embrace the unknown that lies ahead, whatever it holds in store for you?

In this month’s article I give you six strategies to embrace change with the grace of a stream meandering through pastures green.

1. Stand up for what you know to be right

Each time a person stands up for an ideal, or acts to improve the lot of others, or strikes out against injustice, he sends forth a tiny ripple of hope.

That ripple builds others.
Those ripples—crossing each other from a million different centers of energy—build a current that can sweep down the mightiest walls of oppression and injustice.

—Senator Robert F. Kennedy, 1966

You have a choice to stand for something or fall for anything. When you do stand up for what you believe in, it can give you access to reserves of fortitude—the strength of mind that allows you to endure pain or adversity with courage—that you may not even known are available to you. Anyone who has ever achieved anything worthwhile has had to summon this strength of mind to prevail; anyone who has ever overcome emotional and/or physical loss has had to do the same, so why not you? It is in this place that your attitude to change will move from enduring to embracing and even to endearing.

2. Cultivate gratitude

Courtesies of a small and trivial character are the ones which strike deepest in the grateful and appreciating heart.

—Henry Clay

It is oh so easy to whine and bitch about your miserable lot when you compare yourself to others whom you perceive to be more fortunate than yourself. It is less easy, however, to be grateful for the gifts that you do have, whether or not you compare yourself to others whom you regard as less fortunate than yourself. You have been so conditioned to always be striving for more; and, indeed, you may justifiably argue that it is human nature to be expansive and thus striving. Nevertheless, cultivating gratitude everyday with a prayer of thanksgiving, a personal acknowledgement of abundance, or a meditation of gratitude —for you have life—will fortify you for the rough times ahead, for surely they must be ahead according to the law of feast and famine.

3. Accept nature’s rhythm

Nature’s Intent

Brock Strongo

Taking a final breath,
holding his head high,
admitting defeat,
he falls to the ground.

The leaf has succumbed
and the air is still…

Lying in wait
for God's frozen tears
to paint the earth
with its false sense of purity.

Ripping the color
from our vision.
Reminding us of
our lack of control.

And life is life
because it ends.
It's nature's vicious cycle
keeping us in check.

I am one of the most positive people that I know. As such, I am not disposed to negatively programming myself or anyone else. I am keen, however, to weigh what may be considered negative against reality. In that vein I would like to share with you a spoken “practice” that my coach, Sarita Chalwa of New Ventures West, shared with me:

I am of the nature to get ill.
I will not escape illness.

I am of the nature to grow old.
I will not escape growing old.

I am of the nature to die.
I will not escape death.

The nature of life is change.
I will lose all of my relationships and all of my possessions.

These phrases are from Zen master Thich Nhat Hanh.

Rather than bringing me down, this practice had a profound liberating effect on me with regard to the prospect of illness, old age and death. The more I repeated the mantrum, the more I accepted its truths, and the more able I have been to pursue what I believe is right for me with less attendant fear.

4. Know that life is not just—“shift” happens!

Fair is foul and foul is fair. So foul and fair a day I have not seen.

—William Shakespeare

Life is not just. Get used to it. You seek justice but are you yourself just? The following excerpt from my book, Prison Food Ain’t So Bad is a good yardstick against which to measure the degree to which you are just. Read it and see how you measure up:

He paused a moment longer, allowing his synaptic processes to race even further back in time to the Greek fable of the “Ring of Gyges” in which a good shepherd, Gyges, discovers a very remarkable ring. When worn normally with the collet facing outwards, there is nothing at all remarkable about the ring. However, when worn with the collet facing inwards toward himself, Gyges is rendered invisible.

Having established one hundred percent, the efficacy of the ring’s ability to render him invisible, Gyges conspired to be appointed a messenger to the Court, whereupon he seduced the queen, and with her help, slew the king and seized the kingdom.

The premise of the fable is that to commit an injustice and not be punished is the most favorable of all situations, whereas to suffer an injustice without the ability to retaliate is the least favorable of all situations. “Justice,” then, is said to be a compromise between the two, which is tolerated, not as a “good,” but as an expedient honored by the many who are incapable of getting away with injustice. Thus, a truly righteous individual is one who would act justly, regardless of the consequences even when under the influence, so to speak, of a “Gyges Ring.”

“Yes. Isn’t this the way of the world?” thought Noxie. “We believe in justice to the extent that justice is a matter of self-interest: we care about our fellow citizens because we believe that God upholds justice and not because we ourselves are just. For things to be otherwise would require intense thought on the nature of justice. Each one of us would have to determine—for our self—what constitutes justice. This would involve challenging the presiding societal doctrine concerning what is just—a personal stand. Instead, we mostly prefer to defer to the paradigm we are given. We ought, perhaps, to spend more time discovering our sincerest motive for justice and less time blindly ‘doing it.’”

5. Enjoy the plateau

…The real juice of life, whether it be bitter or sweet, is to be found not nearly so much in the products of our efforts as in the process of living itself…

—George Leonard, Mastery

In his book, Mastery, George Leonard gives us great insight into human nature when he describes how you tend to live for the peak moments of life—goal achievement, scoring a point in the game, getting that promotion, meeting a new love, finally having the time to go on vacation and so on—when they constitute only a very small percentage of the time you spend on the planet. What happens in between the highs is real and constitutes by far the bulk of your life. The question, then, is, “What can be done to make life’s plateaus, those times when personal growth and personal highs are undetectable, not just palatable, but outright joy?” Firstly, know that your time on this planet is limited; you will die. Your time is the most precious commodity that you have. It is not money as some like to quip, but life itself. When you treat time like life itself, you will be less likely to fritter it in boredom. Secondly, practice being present in your body, here and now. As the saying goes: The past is history, the future is a mystery and now is a gift. That's why we call it the present. Thirdly, cultivate gratitude.

6. Relinquish that which does not serve you

We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned, so as to accept the life that is waiting for us.

—Joseph Campbell

The most powerful way of relinquishing that which does not serve you is to surrender to your purpose. This of course presupposes that you know what your purpose is. When you are committed to fulfilling your purpose there is little that can get between you and it. You become an instigator of change rather than the victim of change. Getting on purpose requires that you become open and flexible—moldable talent. It requires that you relinquish baggage—habits, beliefs, practices, language patterns, past pains, wishful thinking and so on that does not serve your greater good or that of others. The challenge is that you may cling to these, as they have become comfortable clothing and even your subconscious excuse for not stepping into your greatness. Be rigorous; be ruthless; get a friend; get a coach; get a therapist; do whatever you can to rid yourself of these neuroses. They are an overwhelming ball and chain around your becoming the person you want to be.